Free Money!!

rebate checks are going to start going out on monday april 28………a week early

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bunny

In the Kitchen with Bun

Starting in May 2008, Food Network will have a sexy new face at the table — Bun Schemm.

Bun will be the newest addition to Food Network’s popular ‘In the Kitchen’ weekend block with her new series, To Hell Wit Ya. I’ll Feed It To The Cat. With an understanding of the need for uncomplicated dishes with affordable, easy to find at Shop Rite ingredients, Bun offers real food for real life, combining her approach to classic comfort foods along with her passion for unique flavors inspired by her many travels to such exotic destinations as Wildwood and Bucks County. Her cooking philosophy involves preparing meals with nothing more than shrink-wrapped meat, eggs, seasoned salt, and canned vegetables. ‘Olive oil? What the f*** is that?’ she asked during a recent press conference for her new show.

This will not be the first time Food Network audiences have seen Bun Schemm. She debuted on the Network back in 2005 as a special guest on Emeril Live — an appearance marked by controversy after Bun snickered at the chef, apparently releishing a joke only she understood. ‘He’s my fat hog,’ she said to the bewildered audience.

In 2003, Bun started her catering business ‘Don’t Piggo Up the Pepsi’, and soon became one of the most sought after caterers in town, preparing egg salad for Dollar Store and Walmart employees. She served up her famous lasagne in a tinfoil pan at star-studded events such as Olympus Fashion Week 2006, asking for everyone to chip in for the ingredients. ‘I put $5 in a card, and can you believe that nobody put nothing else in?!? Not even a goddamn dollar, the cheap bitches. You know they’re all rich, too. I saw that Betsy Johnson drive up in a nearly new pickup truck!’

Bun also served as Food & Lifestyle editor at Moe’s Deli Magazine, where she interviewed hip hop stars about food, cooking and restaurants they love. ‘Fifty Cents? Who the hell is that? I want to talk to a real star, like Frankie Avalon or The Five Dew-Wops! They’re hunks!’

(Reporting courtesy of ditrying.com)

Bun Arrested!

International style icon, B. Schemm (formerly known as ‘Bunny Schemm’) was arrested at Heathrow Airport’s Terminal 5 Thursday for allegedly spitting at a police officer, Sky News television reported.

A London Metropolitan Police spokesman said a woman was arrested at the terminal for an assault on police, but refused to disclose her identity or give her age. ‘She was about 25 years old, 7 stone in weight, had luxurious blonde hair, and the sexiest elastic-front Sears knickers I’ve ever seen, gov’nor,’ said an officer on the scene, who was later tested for drugs.

Schemmsky, as she’s alternately known to her fans, has a history of getting physical with assistants and employees, and has attended an anger management program. It’s been noted than none of her past assistants have pressed criminal charges, possibly because they actually enjoy the torture.

In 2000, Bun pleaded guilty in Toronto to an assault charge for beating an assistant while making a how-to crochet film in Canada in 1998. Under an agreement with prosecutors, Schemm expressed remorse. ‘It’s bullshit,’ she said to reporters, blowing a stream of Raleigh Filter smoke. ‘I haven’t done a goddamned thing wrong. It was that one from across the street who did it, but I ain’t saying nothing because I don’t talk about people.’

In January 2007, Bun pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault for throwing her mobile phone at her maid in a dispute over a missing pair of Goodwill jeans. ‘You ain’t mad, are ya Ace?’ she was quoted as yelling to her maid. ‘Oooh. Ace is MAD!’ She later served 25 hours of community service while wearing a stylish rabbit fur jacket from the Deb Shop and Jimmy Choo for Payless canvas slip-ons.

A representative for Schemm chose not to comment on the arrest, except to say, ‘Go kiss a flying duck, ya asshole!’

(Reporting courtesy of ditrying.com)

I’m Going To Go To The Doctor

But first I gotta ask the neighbors who to go to.  I got 5 different kinds of Medicare plans, so it’s gotta be covered.  Maybe I can find someone up the avenue.

Egg Salad

You kids keep making fun of my egg salad, but you know you ain’t had good egg salad since the last time I made it for you.

Hillary Tried To Steal My Lions!

So Hillary Clinton parks in front of my house to go to the Mayfair Diner. You just know she was telling the secret service people that she needs to know where to get my lions.

She’s not getting mine.

I don’t know why she wants to go to the Mayfair Diner anyway. If she asked me I’d tell her to go to the Madrid.

And Dianne is wrong.  The secret service did not save the space in front of my house with trash cans and lawn chairs.  That’s just dumb.

She won’t be back.  Nobody goes to the Mayfair Diner a second time.

Funeral Tour ‘08

After making the scene at memorials for Mike Ferry and Bill Weston, Bun is hopping a flight to Perth to attend the star-studded fairwell for Heath Ledger.

Pants & a sweater? Velour joggin’ suit? Beaded gown? The world waits with baited breath over her fashion choice for the occasion.

BunTastic News!

Get ready! The BunStyle Magazine Fall Fashion Preview hits newsstands this week!!