Your Cousin Is Sick

Your third cousin, twice removed, sprained his ankle and is in the hospital.  You really should call him, even though you’ve never heard of him before.  How can you say you never heard of him?  He’s my uncle’s wife’s nephew’s boy that once visited the same state you used to live in.

I Gotta Get My Coffee Somewhere Else

I always get my coffee at the Dollar store.  But now they don’t have regular Maxwell House.  They’ve got “different grinds”.   Who the hell buys different grinds?

Oh, and I’ll drink Eight O’Clock coffee, but I don’t like it.  All I want is a can of regular coffee.